Stop arguing with that inner critic and start to manage it

If that voice inside your head gets louder as responsibility increases, this episode is for you.

In this episode of Making Bold Moves, Liz Boswell explores Bold Move 6: Quiet the Inner Critic - Liz explains why the inner critic often gets louder not quieter as you progress as a leader.

Drawing on leadership experience and insights from neuroscience, she reframes the inner critic as a stress response, not the truth.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why senior leaders still struggle with self-doubt (even when they “should know better”)
• How the brain’s protective response shows up as overthinking and second-guessing
• The difference between anxiety and uncertainty in leadership decisions
• How to stop arguing with your inner critic and start managing it
• Three practical ways to quiet the inner critic without ignoring risk

This episode is especially relevant if you replay decisions in your head long after they’re made.

This is the final episode in Stage 2 of the Bold Moves Roadmap: Managing the Inner Load — where leaders learn to protect their energy, trust their judgement, and lead with clarity under pressure.

🎧 Listen if you want calmer decision-making, stronger self-trust, and a healthier relationship with the voice in your head.

Preparing for Partnership?

If you are a senior woman in professional services navigating the transition to partner-level responsibility, learn more about private leadership transition coaching here 

https://www.boldmovescoach.co.uk/leadership-transitions

Making Bold Moves is a podcast for people who are capable, thoughtful, and quietly questioning how they’re showing up at work and in life.

I’m Liz Boswell. I work with leaders and professionals who don’t need more advice, but do need space to think clearly, especially when the pressure is on.

Each episode is a calm, mentoring-style conversation grounded in real client moments. We look at the stories people carry, the behaviours those stories create, and the small, practical shifts that change how things land day to day.

You’ll hear honest reflections, psychologically precise questions, and simple actions you can try immediately, without overhauling your life or becoming someone else.

If you’re stepping into more responsibility, more visibility, or simply feeling the weight of decisions that matter, this podcast is here to help you slow things down, think more clearly, and move forward in a way that feels grounded and real.

A quiet companion for people who want to make better moves, not louder ones.

Transcript

S3 Ep 5 - [Bold Move 6 Quiet the Inner Critic] (audio)

Liz Boswell: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome back to Making Bold Moves. This is Liz, and you're very welcome here. And wherever you are listening to your podcast, I wanna ask you a question; do you ever find yourself listening to an audiobook or a podcast and spending 5, 10 minutes and then suddenly realizing, I actually can't remember what's just being said....

I wasn't listening to a word of that at all. And what happens is you drift off because you start listening to the voice in your head and thinking about things instead of actually listening and focusing on the purpose of your podcast. And this happens to me all the time, and if you are nodding along thinking, yep, yep, I've done that as well, then let's try and keep focused on this because I'm gonna talk to you today about that little voice in your head [00:01:00] because today we're on Bold Move number six, which is Quiet the Inner Critic, especially when you're supposed to know better. And this one surprises a lot of people, you know, because many leaders assume that this voice should have disappeared by the time you get to a senior level.

It's like, oh, well no. You know, I don't have self-doubt anymore. I don't have an inner critic. But you know, let's be honest, we do. Still there. I used to think the same that when you were experienced enough that inner voice would stop, that there'd be a point where you just know what you were doing, feel confident, and stop doubting yourself, stop having that internal dialogue going on. 

But even now, I notice it; that little voice that says, are you sure? Are you sure that's the right thing to do? What if you get it wrong? Shouldn't you know how to do this by now? It's definitely quieter than it used to be. [00:02:00] It's still there, nagging away, now and again; and interrupts me when really I should just be getting on with something.

And so I've been thinking about this recently and the thing to understand with this is that voice inside our head, it's not a sign of weakness, it's not a lack of confidence; it's actually our brain trying to protect us. 

So that's what it is, is your brain's trying to say... hang on a minute, this doesn't feel safe. And this is a model that I use a lot with clients which I studied from a book called The Chimp Paradox by Professor Steve Peters. And if you haven't read that book, I highly recommend you go and read it, and I recommend it to people all the time because it really helped me in one of the earlier series of this podcast, [00:03:00] and talking about public speaking and how I overcame my fear of public speaking. 

So you can go and have a look for that. But definitely I looked into the brain, how it protects us and how we need to manage the chimp or manage that part of our brain when we have a fear of something, whether it's a fear of speaking up, whether it's a fear of making the wrong decision, or whether it's a fear of speaking in front of people.

Understanding how to manage that inner critic becomes incredibly useful. So I just wanna explain a little bit more from my studies really and from my understanding, so that it can help you. In the Chimp paradox, they explain that we have different systems in the brain. So one part is calm, rational, and [00:04:00] logical, and that's the human brain.

 It's the part that we use to lead, assess information, and to make decisions. So when the human part of the brain is in charge, everything's going well.... we're calm, we're in control, and everything's good. Then there's another part of our brain, which is emotional and reactive, so that bit is what we refer to as the chimp. 

And the chimp part of our brain, its job is to keep you safe. It's often described as the inner critic because it's that little voice that happens inside of your head when you're doing something outside of your comfort zone, and that little voice is saying, "What are you doing? 

You're gonna mess it all up, everybody's gonna laugh at you." All of those kind of voices that you get in your head, and I know you do; it's not just me, is it? So that [00:05:00] is that emotional side of your brain that's trying to keep you safe because as leaders and you know, in our career as well, there are stages out there. And what we're working on, this roadmap, this is just about the different stages that we go through of growth.

And as we grow and take on more responsibility and start working with different people, more senior people... each and every time, we're putting ourself into a different environment, into different and new circumstances; and that can feel unsafe and unnatural to us because we are not around the people anymore that we are used to being around and that we feel comfortable being around.

So our brain is starting to process that, understand that, and start to figure it out. Lemme put this in a little bit of context for you. I once worked with a senior leader who said to me, [00:06:00] "Liz, I feel absolutely ridiculous for admitting this." 

She was a CEO of a large charity, and she said, " I still find myself second-guessing myself all the time, questioning whether I'm doing the right thing." And she was experienced, respected, highly capable, but her inner critic or her inner voice was loud. We explored it together. We talked about the chimp, and she had a realization I think, that this voice wasn't saying to her that she couldn't do her job, she wasn't good at her job, it was actually just reacting to increased responsibility, increased visibility, and increased consequences as well, because there were more people who would be affected by her decisions or more consequences from it. 

And once she understood that's [00:07:00] what was happening and she could logically understand it, something shifted. So she stopped treating the inner critic as that self-doubt that told her she wasn't ready and maybe she'd made the wrong move and she started seeing it as a stress response to leadership; and that alone reduced the power of the inner critic.

So just to put that back into, I guess the scientific world then, what happens is when we listen to that inner voice, that's the emotional side of our brain that's in control, and it's putting us in what we know as that fight or flight mode, where we're constantly questioning ourselves, probably waking us up in the middle of the night and about something that we've done, something that we've said, and we're questioning whether it was the right thing to do.

That's when that emotional part of our brain, the chimp is in control. When [00:08:00] you understand that's what's happening and you start to realize that's what's happening, that means that... logically, you can understand it and logically you can start saying, "Okay, thank you, voice." Yeah. "Thank you, critic...

I understand what you're trying to say, i'm okay actually." So that's when we then put the logical side, the human in our brain, back into control, and we take away the power of the chimp. Let me give you an example of where I've had to deal with this as well. So in my own work, when I am taking on more responsibility, bigger projects over the last couple of years, the stakes are higher, expectations are higher, and more people are watching you as well.

So understanding that has really helped me to stop arguing with that inner critic and start to manage it [00:09:00] because leadership is about hearing that voice. Yeah. It's not about ignoring it or it's not about it going away. Leadership is about hearing the voice and deciding who's in charge. Are you gonna listen to that negative voice that's trying to get you to stop making those difficult decisions, stop putting your boundaries in place, and start shrinking back and hiding? Or are you gonna say, "Actually, no, it's okay. I'm in charge... I know what I'm doing, i've got this." I think you know the answer to that. So this is about being a leader, stepping up and showing the inner critic who's boss.

Here's a line that I often share with clients; your inner critic isn't there to tell the truth, it's there to keep you safe - and leadership is knowing the difference. So how then, how do we actually do this? How do [00:10:00] we quieten that inner critic without ignoring the risk and pretending that it doesn't exist?

So here are three ways that I've learned and that I've implemented that I want to share with you. Number one, firstly, label it. Instead of thinking... these voices in my head, this means I'm not good enough. Try saying, "Okay, I'm hearing voices in my head. I'm hearing the inner critic, so that is my brain trying to protect me."

And naming it, creates distance. And that distance gives you a chance to choose whether or not you pay attention. Side note, there's another way you can name your inner critic as well, actually. And if you read the Chimp Paradox, you'll learn about this. And this is something that I learn as well. So another way is that you can actually name that voice or name your chimp, and it [00:11:00] takes away its power. And so I've learned that my inner critic or my chimp is a bossy bitch, I'm gonna say. And I call her Betty, and I've given her this name and that's taken away her power now. If I start hearing Betty chattering away in my head and saying negative things to me and I'll like, "Pipe down Betty, not today,

thank you." So I'm not saying you are gonna do that yourself, but honestly it's worked for me. And just have a bit of fun with it as well, don't you? So number two, bring logic back online. Bring the logic back in to help you to make decisions. So ask yourself, what facts do I have to support this worry and what facts don't I have?

So when you hear that inner critic in your head saying, "You're not good at this", [00:12:00] or "Everybody's laughing at you", thinking about... what facts do I have to back that up and what facts do I have to not back that up or to actually say, "No, that's wrong. I am good at this. I've got evidence of where I've been successful as a leader.

Maybe there was one time that things went wrong, but just because there's one example, that does not make it a fact." What do we choose to listen to? So think about it logically. When you start writing down-- so you can take a piece of paper, put a line down the middle, on the left-hand side, what facts support this worry? The right-hand side, what facts don't? Actually doing that activity, writing it down, switches on your logical brain; and that will put your human brain back in charge. Number three, [00:13:00] decide. Make a decision and then close the loop. Once you've made a considered decision, don't overthink it. We'll talk about that a bit later on in this podcast as well but all you need to say is, "I've decided. If new facts or information arise, I will review it." And that's not you ignoring the risk; it's about discipline as a leader, decide, act, review. Okay? So let's just pause for a moment and think about you and think about a situation where your inner critic as being quite loud recently.

Where have you been hearing that voice in your head, where it's trying to protect you and what is it trying to protect you from? What's the thing that you're finding uncomfortable? What might change if you acknowledged it without letting it take [00:14:00] control? So have a think about that. Have a think about your situation.

So let me share with you then that the inner critic, if we quieten it down - if we stop listening to it - it doesn't mean that you stop caring. It doesn't mean that you're ignoring feedback or you are ignoring those thoughts, it means that you stop thinking that anxiety is stopping you from moving forward, because sometimes we react to anxiety.

We think... oh, I'm anxious about this, I better not do it. And. At senior level, remember, uncertainty is part of the job. And there's a difference between uncertainty and anxiety. And the skill is learning the difference and learning how to lead. Anyway, that's what we're doing here. You know, I've seen leaders that I've worked with gain huge relief when they realize that

[00:15:00] it's not self-doubt; it's responsibility, it's about caring about what they're doing. And once they understand that, decisions become calmer and more controlled, not necessarily because the voice disappears, but because it's no longer in charge, it's no longer running the show. So here's something I want you to work on this week, then.

The next time you hear your inner critic, the next time he or she turns up trying to tell you what they think, trying to tell you what to do, name it. So you can name it with a name if you want, personalize it. Or you can simply name and say, "Ah, that's my inner critic trying to keep me safe." So remind yourself, it's there to protect you.

It's simply trying to keep you safe. It doesn't necessarily realize that you are on a growth phase, that you are on that road to the [00:16:00] next level. And consciously choose whether you're gonna listen to it or whether you're gonna lead. So even if you decide... actually, I'm gonna listen to it, maybe this isn't the right moment for me to make this bold move, then

if you consciously make that decision, you're still putting yourself in a leadership position. So once this week is enough for you to do that. Listen, notice when it happens... and think about what is going on, what are the circumstances when it's happening? If the voice still keeps showing up, it's not a sign that you're failing; it's a sign that you're operating at a different level where decisions really matter.

And the bold move here is understanding yourself well-enough to lead anywhere. So in closing, then, coming towards the end of today's episode, let's have a recap. The inner critic is a protection mechanism. It's not [00:17:00] necessarily the truth teller. It often gets louder as your responsibility will increase, and naming it reduces its power.

So that calm judgment comes from understanding yourself, not silencing yourself. Okay? So that's Bold Move number four, Quiet the Inner Critic. If you want the full Bold Moves Roadmap, you can find it on the website, BoldMovesCoach.co.uk. Next time, we're going to pause and reflect on Stage 2 as a whole because that's the end of Stage 2, and look at what really changes when you manage the inner load properly and how that sets you up for the next stage of leadership.

See you then. Bye.