How to Ask for What You Want as a Female Leader (in a direct way without feeling pushy)

If asking for what you want feels uncomfortable or risky, this episode is for you.

Many capable people hold back from asking for a pay rise or a promotion because they might look pushy or desperate.

In this episode, Liz explores why holding back shows up as frustration, self-doubt, or disappointment later on. 

Using a real client example, she looks at what’s really happening when people hint instead of ask, and how that quietly affects authority and trust.

You’ll come away with a clearer understanding of what stops you from being direct, and how to ask in a way that feels grounded, honest, and aligned with who you are.

Especially useful if you want progress and fairness, but notice yourself holding back in conversations that matter.

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Making Bold Moves is a podcast for people who are capable, thoughtful, and quietly questioning how they’re showing up at work and in life.

I’m Liz Boswell. I work with leaders and professionals who don’t need more advice, but do need space to think clearly, especially when the pressure is on.

Each episode is a calm, mentoring-style conversation grounded in real client moments. We look at the stories people carry, the behaviours those stories create, and the small, practical shifts that change how things land day to day.

You’ll hear honest reflections, psychologically precise questions, and simple actions you can try immediately, without overhauling your life or becoming someone else.

If you’re stepping into more responsibility, more visibility, or simply feeling the weight of decisions that matter, this podcast is here to help you slow things down, think more clearly, and move forward in a way that feels grounded and real.

A quiet companion for people who want to make better moves, not louder ones.

Transcript

Hey there! Welcome back to Making Bold Moves with me your host, Liz Boswell.

If you’re catching this on your commute, squeezing it in on a lunchtime walk, or listening while you’re chopping veg for tea – thanks for letting me tag along. These episodes are designed to fit into your day, not add another job to your to-do list.

Today we’re on Bold Move number two: Asking for What You Want.

Now, this one’s close to my heart because I’ve got it wrong myself plenty of times. I’ve sat there thinking, “If I just keep my head down and work harder, they’ll see what I’m capable of. They’ll notice.”

And you know what usually happens? They don’t.

Because the truth is, hard work on its own isn’t enough. If it was, we’d have a lot more women sitting at those senior tables by now.

Let me tell you about a woman I coached a couple of years ago. She was brilliant – organised, reliable, the one everyone turned to when projects went off the rails. She was what we often call the “safe pair of hands.”

But here’s the thing: every time a promotion cycle came around, she was overlooked. Every time. She said to me, “Liz, I just don’t get it. I’m doing the work. Why don’t they see me?”

And I asked her a simple question: “Have you actually told them what you want?”

She looked at me like I had two heads. “Well, no. Isn’t it obvious?”

Nope. Not obvious to me and I’m sure it’s not obvious to them either. 

So I helped her to get clarity on the bold move she wanted and she booked a one-to-one with her manager. When they met she said: “My goal is to move into a leadership role within the next 12 months. What would you need to see from me to make that happen?”

That single conversation changed everything. Her manager gave her clear feedback, opened a door to a stretch project, and within six months she had the role.

Not because she suddenly started working harder. Not because she magically became “ready.” But because she asked.

And let me tell you – I’ve been guilty of not asking too. I remember when I worked in corporate training, I’d deliver great sessions, clients were happy, the numbers were strong. But inside, I was thinking, “When are they going to offer me that next opportunity?”

And of course, they didn’t. Why? Because I’d never actually said: “This is what I want next.” I was hinting. Hoping. Keeping quiet. And it got me… nowhere.

The moment I started asking, doors opened. It wasn’t always a yes. Sometimes it was a “not yet” or a “here’s what you need to show first.” But even then, I left the room with clarity. And clarity is power.

So Bold Move number two is: Ask for What You Want.

I know, it feels uncomfortable. You might feel cheeky, or demanding, or like your voice is going to wobble. But let me tell you – that wobble is usually the sign you’re doing exactly the right thing.

Because if you don’t ask, you risk staying stuck in the same place while others – maybe less experienced, maybe less capable – move forward. Simply because they spoke up.

So, how do you do it without scaring yourself silly? Three ways.

Number one – book the chat. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. There is no perfect moment. Stick half an hour in your manager’s diary and say you’d like to talk about your development.

Number two – be specific. Don’t say, “I’d like to progress one day.” Try: “I’d like to move into a leadership role in the next 12 months.” That’s clear, it’s measurable, and it gives them something to respond to.

Number three – push for clarity back. If they give you a vague answer, follow up with: “Can you give me a concrete example?” That way you leave the room with something actionable, not just woolly encouragement.

Now, let’s pause for a second. I want you to think about your own situation. Where are you hinting or hoping right now instead of asking?

Is it the promotion you’ve been eyeing? A project that would raise your profile? Maybe even just asking for proper development support or flexible working that would make your life easier?

Take a moment. Picture it. What’s the one thing you’ve been waiting for someone else to notice?

(Pause)

What would it feel like if you were the one to start that conversation instead?

And listen, asking doesn’t mean you’ll always get a yes. Sometimes the answer will be no. Sometimes it’ll be not yet. Sometimes you’ll get tough feedback.

But you know what? Even then, you’ll walk away with clarity. And clarity is a thousand times better than sitting there wondering.

Because wondering keeps you stuck. Clarity gives you a direction.

Let me give you another example. A woman I know asked her manager outright: “What do you need to see from me to be considered for promotion?”

Her manager didn’t sugar-coat it. They gave her three very specific things: improve her visibility outside her team, take ownership of a cross-department project, and step up in meetings.

She walked away with a checklist. She worked on those three things. And the next time a role came up? She was ready – and she got it.

If she’d never asked, she’d still be stuck, frustrated, waiting to be noticed.

So here’s your challenge this week - Ask for something you want.

It doesn’t have to be a big scary promotion. It could be a project that excites you, the chance to shadow a senior meeting, or funding for a training programme.

The point is: stop hinting. Stop hoping. Ask.

And let me just say this before we finish: asking for what you want doesn’t make you demanding. It doesn’t make you pushy. It makes you clear.

And clarity makes it easier for people to help you. It gives your manager something to work with. It shows you’re serious about your career.

So, let’s recap.

• Hard work alone isn’t enough.
• Managers aren’t mind readers.
• If you want something, you have to say it out loud.
• Asking gives you clarity, and clarity creates action.

That’s Bold Move number two: Asking for What You Want (without feeling cheeky)

If you want the full roadmap, grab the Bold Moves for Leaders guide at www.boldmovescoach.co.uk/.

And if you know someone who’s brilliant but sitting there quietly waiting to be noticed, share this episode with them – it might be the nudge they need.

Next time we’ll talk about Bold Move number three: Build Relationships – and why the right advocates can move your career further than working harder ever will.